5 Signs of Marital Isolation And What To Do About It
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We have a choice today. We can move our marriage towards isolation or we can choose to start moving towards oneness. Isolation is directly contradictory to how scripture defines marriage. It is moving towards separation. Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (The ‘that’ being referred to is when God created woman out of Adam’s flesh. Read the entire story here.) Martial oneness is then again mentioned in the New Testament, same verse, different part of the Bible. Mark 10:8-9 goes on to say, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate.” Marriage can be used as part of God’s plan of sanctification for all believers. To be santified is to be set aside to be made holy and we simply can’t pursue sanctification in our marriage when we are isolated. So what can we do about it?
It really comes down to a daily choice. It’s like a savings or retirement account. Yeah, it’s hard to deposit that money each day but years down the road it will sure feel nice to see what’s accumulated! Let’s make deposits of oneness into our marriage. Whether you’ve been married 1 year or 45 years, isolation can be real. The good news is that oneness can be real too! The benefits of a marriage of oneness are limitless. Let’s start with beating the odds of divorce. If you and your spouse are actively pursing oneness then the chance of divorce decreases. I don’t have a stat to back that up but it just seems like logical thinking 🤣 Other benefits of oneness can be: increased intimacy (not just THAT kind of intimacy!) Since oneness doesn’t happen over night, it will be a journey of pursuing each other daily, which will hopefully turn each of your hearts towards one another therefore leading to more emotional and physical intimacy, other benefits include your children, family and friends witnessing a healthy marriage- can I get an amen?!, a marriage that is thriving-not just going through the motions, and I could go on and on. Is oneness appealing yet?!
Let’s first be intentional about watching for these warning signs of marital isolation:
–Constant physical separation– If you’re never together or too busy to be together you can’t be working towards oneness.
–Lack of communication– If your marriage isn’t a safe place to openly and honestly communicate then stop here and now and fix that. Seriously.
–A wondering mind. Watch out! A wondering heart quickly leads to wondering actions. Do not even entertain thoughts that don’t delight in Christ or your marriage.
–Selfishness– The constant focus on YOUR happiness, YOUR fulfillment and YOUR satisfaction takes away from focus on your marriage and oneness as a couple. That’s not to say those things above aren’t important but the focus can’t solely be on just yourself or just your spouse. Selfishness is a key part of isolation.
–Unforgiveness– Any unforgiveness you may have, whether towards your spouse or someone else, will take root and destroy your life, not to mention contribute towards maritial isolation. A quote from The Peace Maker, A Biblical Guide To Resolving Personal Conflict sums this up perfectly. It says, “Peace and unity are so important that Jesus commands us to seek reconciliation with a brother even ahead of worship! He teaches that we cannot love and worship God properly if we are at odds with another person and have not done everything in our power to be reconciled.” You can find evidence of that in 1 John 4:19-21.
Here are some basic steps to move towards oneness:
–Communication– I can’t say it enough. You can’t over communicate. Communication builds trust and trust builds intimacy.
–Pray for each other and with each other– Going to the Father in intercession is a special privilege. The idea that we can pray on behalf of our spouse should be an honor and one we take frequent advantage of! Also, anytime you are praying together you are drawing closer to our Savior and ultimately closer to each other. And I’ll admit, praying together CONSISTENTLY is hard for us to do but when we do it we always look at each other after and ask why we don’t do it daily. Anyone want to hold us accountable?! 😉
–Be together! Simple as that. Cook together, exercise together, clean together- who cares what it is, as long as its intentionally together. Now don’t go overboard… no need to start an unhealthy relationship of co-dependence but thats for another post, another day.
–Grow in your personal walk– The triangle theory applies here. Envision a triangle with me. Now put you on the bottom left, your spouse at the bottom right and God at the top. The only way to grow closer to each other is to move towards God in your own personal walk. I don’t remember who originally drew this out for me but it stuck like glue. Make your relationship with Christ a top priority. Everyone will benefit.
–Marriage mentor– Having an older, spiritually sound couple to speak life and wisdom into your marriage will benefit you greatly! Want to know how to find one? Just ask yourself, if we were in the throws of marriage what couple could we go to that would point us to a remedy that is backed up spiritually? There you go, you just found your marriage mentor ☺️
So now what? Well, let’s do it! Let’s commit to making deposits on oneness into our marriage. Today and for the days to come. Let’s have the kind of marriage that makes our kids want to get married one day.
What are some things you and your spouse do to move towards oneness in your marraige?
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