That could never happen to us

That could never happen to us

Remember the whole Ashley Madison thing? Media outlets blasted the news of the extra marital affair website being hacked. A business that prided itself on being discreet now had customer’s names leaked for all to see. People were devastated. Marriages torn apart. And families crumbled.

What if every name on that list didn’t have to be there?
What if this whole ordeal really was preventable?

Marriage is tough. There is nothing that comes natural or easy about it. But man oh man is it rewarding! Marriage is so precious, so tender, so fragile, and absolutely worth every ounce of intentional effort that is put into it. Marriage, when done right, is hard to top. No marital affair will ever be worth the euphoria that may be experienced during that fleeting season.


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Marriages are ending at an all time high. The terms ‘blended family’ and ‘broken home’ have become completely normalized. Michael and I both come from divorced families and it is because of that experience that we are so passionate about not repeating the past. We don’t know a lot but what we do know we want to use to encourage other peoples marriage journey. I must add that our parents/step-parents all did a fantastic job raising us considering the reality of the divorces. We are so very thankful for they way they loved, supported and encouraged us through our upbringing.

So back to marriage:

It is easy to look at all the good between you and your spouse and feel like you may be immune to an extra marital affair. Sadly, that is not the truth. Dave Carder believes that we are the most vulnerable when we believe it could never happen to our own marriage. The truth is, we are all at risk. Scary huh?! Why are we at risk? Because Satan does not want to see marriages succeed. Simple as that. Scripture tells us that a marriage union is a replication of the gospel. We can guarantee that anything that replicates the gospel, Satan will try within all his power to destroy. John 10:10 tells us, “The thief (Satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy. But I (Christ) have come that you may have life, and have it abundantly.”

The good news:

There is hope though! Michael and I love to go through books together. We try to gather as much wisdom and knowledge on marriage and parenting as we possibly can. We have gone through so many quality books that have both encouraged and left us challenged. Anatomy Of An Affair by Dave Carder is no different. This book opened the door for intentional, raw and vulnerable conversations. Michael started with the straight forward question, “Honey, do you think we are susceptible to a marital affair?” I was like “whoa- okay, let’s talk!” (Mind you, I was caught totally off guard 😊) Anyone else feel like these types of conversations grow your hearts closer together in marriage? They may not always be the easiest to have but they are so beneficial. Let’s be real- our hearts are ugly!

Something that I love about the book, Anatomy Of An Affair, is that it isn’t just chapter after chapter. Intertwined in the chapters are real life stories, graphs, checklists, mini worksheets and so many hands on opportunities to do with your spouse. This is why we HIGHLY recommend going through this book together with your husband/wife. It isn’t a book to point fingers either, it is great for searching your own heart, your own risk factors and learning your behavior. I don’t  see how a couple can go through this and not be closer after it is all said and done. We had night after night of deep and authentic conversation from this book. There was so much that wasn’t even on our radar until we took the time to read this! If you are dating, engaged, married, or if you have even experienced walking through the devastation of an affair, do yourself and your lover a favor and read this book.

Check out our 3 biggest take aways from this fantastic book! Don’t worry- we won’t spoil the whole book for ya! 😜


If you are interested, you can purchase this book by  following this link or by clicking on the image below.


A little about Dave Carder, the author of Anatomy Of An Affair:

Dave is the Pastor Of Counseling Ministries at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton, CA. He has been a marriage counselor for over 40 years. He has had the privilege of being on several well known media outlets. Dave has taught at seminaries, universities as well as worked with the Army and Navy. He was led to write this book after years of helping couples through the heartbreak of adultry and addiction. He has a California Marriage and Family Therapy license and a Michigan Limited License for Psychology. His specialty is in Adultry Recovery and Prevention. Dave has been married for 49 years and is blessed with 4 grown children and 8 grandchildren!


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